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Dec. 29th, 2009 | 11:23 pm

So, I didn't mention this on here at the time, but some of you who I regularly talk to may remember the trouble going on with my younger brother a few months ago. Namely, how he couldn't go to college because we couldn't come up with the money. It was not a happy time, and I was really upset, because Tyler is just...so fucking smart, and I knew he would do well. I knew that if he just got away from my parents who regularly tell him what a dumb shit he is, he would do fine.

You might also remember that it got resolved when we finally managed to get enough in student loans--after much begging, pleading, and consolidation of some of our debts. Tyler was able to go to Campbell University, where he wanted to go, and pursue his goal of getting a pharmacy degree. He was so excited. He knew the same thing I did.

Well, there's another update on that. See, Tyler?

He failed out.

My brother won't be resuming studies at Campbell when their Spring Semester starts, because of his 0.00 GPA. He failed every single class. Every last one of them. Even his Worship Seminar, which meets once a week, for an hour, and has no coursework. The grade is entirely attendance. He didn't go. He spent his semester toking up and being lazy. Didn't do anything.

I have no idea what to say to him right now. My parents tore into him, of course, but now? They're just laughing it off. My dad told me all this with a smile on his face. With Tyler right there, who laughed just as much. It's like this amusing little ditty for them. And I'm just....baffled.

Normally, when Tyler does some monumentally stupid thing like this (and believe me, it happens a lot), my mom has a breakdown, throws things at him, and calls me in tears and I have to talk her through it. The woman needs the help of a damned good therapist, but she won't seek one. I mean, she burst into tears when I got put on anti-depressants, because "Oh Steven, what will people say?! You can't tell your grandmother. You can't tell her that you're unstable like this!"

My dad, meanwhile, pretends nothing is going on between them and refuses to even address that they're MIGHT be a problem. And Tyler? Tyler argues with my mom, hangs out with my dad, and calls me to tell me what a bitch our mom is being. How dare she be mad at him for blowing twenty-thousand dollars (that's half of my entire tuition, in one semester of his, by the way)? She's such a cunt!

Considering my history, I shouldn't be the most capable person in this family. I've been in therapy. I'm a suicide survivor three times over. I've run away from home more times than I can count. I get physically ill just VISITING my parents' hometown with all the bad memories there. I don't remember much of my life before I went to UNC, because it hurts too much. I'm a manic-depressive obsessive-compulsive who overreacts to every single thing in my life, and I'm the most capable person in my family. How is this even possible?

Tyler is hurting, so I'm trying to be supportive. Everyone else is too busy ignoring the issue to do or say anything, and he needs someone. But I don't know how supportive I can really be, when that might be the problem.

'Cause really, the biggest issue he has? Is that he's lazy. He took the ASVAB test (an exam used to sorta place people in the military--more determing a recruit's potential limits than deciding where they'll be and what they'll be doing) a few weeks ago, since he's considering going into the service now.

He scored a 95%. And for those of you who don't really know what that means, your ASVAB score is less reflective of your isolated performance than of your performance compared. A 95% means you performed better than 95% of 18-23 year olds taking the test in the entire nation.

He's so smart, and so lazy, that I just want to shake him. And if I knew it would help, that's probably what I'd do. It might be something I need to try. He looks at me as more of a parent than our actual mom and dad, so maybe if I finally stop being supportive, he'll learn.

But I don't know. I don't want to do to him what our parents did to me. My dad refused to acknowledge I existed until I was seventeen, and my mom threw pots and pans at me if I scored a B on a test. I don't want to do that to Tyler. Especially when I don't think that he has to go to college to be a success. Lots of people don't. The university system isn't for everyone, and I know that. Hell, I have a bachelor's degree, and I have a shitty job I hate, while a friend of mine is a college dropout who's an executive chef at a restaurant.

I'm just afraid this will keep happening. He'll do something, then give up when it requires the slightest bit of work. And I'm scared I've fucked him up just as much as our parents have by being supportive.

I can't rescue him anymore, and he's not equipped to be an adult.

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Comments {3}

The fucking YARN FAIRY!

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from: mac_arthur_park
date: Dec. 30th, 2009 12:30 pm (UTC)

My sister is the same fucking way. Do you think its because they're the babies in the family? (And, of course, have such fabulous older siblings?)

Sorry to hear you so stressed out, dear. If there is anything I can do, just let me know.

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from: rholmes2004
date: Dec. 30th, 2009 02:41 pm (UTC)

Sometimes you have to let people fail. Yeah that sounds really shitty but I'm learning that with my brother. Do I think he will every get his shit together...no I don't. But that doesn't mean your brother won't. He is your brother and you love him, but he is an adult and will have to figure out life (and what he will do with his) on his own. Love him, but don't hold his hand.

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Turning the Schmaltz up to 11

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from: pullthestars
date: Dec. 30th, 2009 04:30 pm (UTC)

I think that you can find a good middle ground to be in in regards to your brother. Be supportive, yes, but that might mean giving him what-for in regards to him being lazy.

And maybe going into the service would be a good thing for him. He certainly won't have the opportunity to be lazy!

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