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May. 29th, 2010 | 11:54 pm

*collapses*

You know that saying, the more things change, the more they stay the same?

Fuck. That. Shit.

Everything has been changing in my life lately, and none of it for the worse. 2 months with the most wonderful man I know, and who I've fallen deeply head-over-heels for, which is the weirdest feeling in the entire world, let me tell you. I've never felt this way about anyone, and I genuinely feel like I could spend the rest of my life with him.

I'm starting my new job with the VA on June 7. I'm taking over the online learning management position, and I'm responsible for all new employee orientations. I even have to teach classes when the instructors don't show up. I'm working with the current holder of the position until July 2, when he retires, so I don't have much training time (especially when you consider that I have to go spend a week in Oklahoma for a class--because apparently I'm being punished), but I think I'll do just fine. And, after a year's time, I'm going to be making more money than I even know what to do with. SO WEIRD.

I am free of Panera Bread--forever, if I have my way. I will never step foot into another one if I can. I have been since April 11, and it feels amazing. That said, I cannot wait until I start this job. Not just so I'm making paychecks again, but so that I'll have something to do! It's so BORING not working.

I'm moving to Asheville (hopefully) July 30, and I love it there. It's the most amazing town. It's like Newford, almost. I can't even describe why I love it so much. It feels like Chapel Hill/Carrboro did--like Home.

After I get enough of my debt squared off, I'm going to start searching for a therapist. I've realized that I am not capable of dealing with all of my issues on my own, and I am tired of breaking down into crying fits at random moments and being unable to accept any positive things in my life. I never think I deserve anything, I can't deal with anything good happening to me, and it's driving me and everyone else crazy. I need help, and I'm seeking it out.

I think I'm on the road to being an actual human being for the first time in my life, and it's terrifying. But I've never felt happier.

Sure, I'm stressed beyond belief, frustrated, and generally a pain in the ass. But I'm working on it. I'm getting better. And I'm happy.

Hooray for change!

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Comments {7}

Turning the Schmaltz up to 11

(no subject)

from: pullthestars
date: May. 30th, 2010 06:20 am (UTC)
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about fucking time, I say :)

*hugs*

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Alryssa

(no subject)

from: alryssa
date: May. 30th, 2010 06:44 am (UTC)
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This is, in two words, balls-punchingly awesome.

If I could send you my former therapist, I *so* would. But that too will come, in time! And I think you're on the right track :)

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rholmes2004

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from: rholmes2004
date: May. 30th, 2010 11:09 am (UTC)
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*HUGS* I'm so glad things are really looking up in your life. You deserve all the happiness in the world!! Love ya!!

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Lady Doom

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from: lithera
date: May. 30th, 2010 04:50 pm (UTC)
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*hugs*

Glad to see that things have been wonderful darling.

I did miss you so.

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Mr. Flibble

(no subject)

from: crispengray
date: May. 31st, 2010 06:22 pm (UTC)
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That's awesome! I'm very happy for you.

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le katrina

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from: irasciblehermit
date: Jun. 1st, 2010 07:37 am (UTC)
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super glad to hear all this from you : ) you smart guy.

i'm facebook lurking really hard right now and i uncovered helen baddour and i immediately started laughing and probably woke my mom up.

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(no subject)

from: sapphire16
date: Jun. 3rd, 2010 07:48 pm (UTC)
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I agree with everyone you are smart and awesome. You definitely deserve all the happiness in the world.

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